The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks

Dare by Barry McDonagh

DARE: Overcoming Anxiety Session 4

Good morning this is Master Life Coach Ralph Ruiz and today we are continuing our reading of the book, Dare. 

The new way to end Anxiety without having attacks by Berry Mcdonaugh. And now before we begin today I will like to uh ask the group if anyone would like to share how there exercise is going. (If you’re reading this article, and want to join in on the conversation and exercises, check out the Ralphitness Community Club for a Free Account here.)

DARE: Anxiety Relief Book

Which was 3 hours before bed no more social media, no more news and if you are going to watch something on tv or listen to the radio or something than it would be a feel good tv show or feel good movie, feel good music is also welcome or your just reading a fiction book. That was the exercise from the previous call and I am curious if anyone would like to share their experience so far before we begin the book for today.

Participant Speaks:

It’s been tough for me just because it doesn’t feel I have had enough time to do the whole 3 hours so I’m trying to make that habit and probably get in an hour or hour and a half and just to kinda start so I have not implemented the whole 3 hours but I am trying to implement an hour or so. 

Ralph: Ok fair enough, anyone else would like to share?

Remember you can use the chat box if you would like to share. But thank you for sharing Adam, I appreciate that.

Participant

I also did the 3 hours before bed, I did find that it made me a little more calm. I felt better overall. It was challenging though because well sometimes with my daughter I would have to go on the computer maybe to help her with her homework and things like that.

Ralph: That is understandable.  

And then also one time I did oculus and felt like exercising but I didn’t want to do the Eliptical so I don’t know. But for the most part I did do it and you know I did find that it did calm me down.

Beautiful, very good.

Anyone else would like to share there experience with the exercise?

Alright very good. So with this exercise as I mentioned in the beginning of this reading this is where things will become obvious to you okay and there will be many things that will come up to the surface that you will see for yourself how you put yourself in this position and how you keep yourself in this position. 

So for people who are implementing this new habit into their life if you happen to be the person that is busy, busy, busy all the way until bed time now this exercise makes it more obvious to you that you might need more help around the house for chores and activities and what not.

And then there are the others who will simply not do the exercise and that brings me to those that are in the middle and the ones that are in the middle are the ones are kinda half “assing” the exercise kinda sorta doing it.

And what does that say well basically what it says is that there is a deeper pattern involved for some people it is an addiction to this heightened state of arousal as usual people have a history of ptsd but its not exclusive to them.

But a lot of times people who claim to suffer from anxiety secretly enjoy it there is apart of you that enjoys  the constant racing thoughts and the constant go go go its like being jacked all the time.

Alright so there are some people that enjoy that and this period of having three hours of just shutting down its uncomfortable initially its uncomfortable.

I would highly recommend continuing the exercise if you are already doing it for those of you that are half-assing it I highly recommend putting a little more umph into it, and for those of you that simply can’t do it b/c there are things around the house etc. you can stay put you know b/c as we continue that means you’ll have to learn proper communication skills to set boundaries and ask for help where you need help.

If you are a single parent things may be a little different for you and in that case you would need a more tailored approach to accommodate your specific lifestyle for this exercise.

Helping children with homework is perfectly understandable its perfectly okay you know but it is still possible to unplug from the things that you cant unplug the cortisol hits that we are so hooked on.

Alright so as I say as we continue on it will become obvious and this is nothing new those of you that followed Sara 2.0 and the letting go of the pain body play list in the Ralph fitness club 

We explored Eckart Tolle and the pain body and the addiction to pain and suffering. 

This is the Western version of it, its called Anxiety okay an anxiety disorder  and yes most people with  anxiety are addicted to the anxiety.

And if you are becoming more and more aware of how all this works and you come to the realization that maybe this is not for you.

Now is the time to just get out just get out of the Ralph fitness club you know just you know close it all out and just get out b/c clearly there is an entire cult like mentality out there in the social media world on the internet etc. etc. and its all this thing about you know managing and coping and this and oh my god I had that trauma too and there’s this constant regurgitation of the same thing over and over but none of it actually works you know we want to get to a point we can say ok I get it I get I am always jacked why am I always jacked b/c I like it I like to be jacked I’m just a jacked person I just cant get enough of it.

I’m always going, going  going and constantly focusing on things that make me feel emotional pain.

And if you are a person that identifies with that statement but still want help then you can stay you know you can stay we are still here to explore how we can improve our lives even when there is an element of addiction to this. 

You may need a therapist but its still possible okay. In the west they call it co dependency the need to constantly be wrapped up in some type of drama and if the anxiety is giving you that fix there is just no way in hell that berry m or even the pope himself in the flesh or mother Theresa is going to help you okay and I am putting it out there b/c it needs to become conscious when this is happening at an un conscious level then you have no power over it but now that you have heard me say what I said now it is conscious. So now you get to choose how you exercise your power over this pattern in your life.

Alright so lets any questions about that before we start with our reading on page 34.

I have a question…

Yes.

If you can here me. Can you talk a little bit more about this connection b/t co dependency , anxiety and the pain body?

Uh yes co dependency has many different definitions. The one that I like most that is most useful is the need to feel needed. The need to feel like there people need you in there life. In my Ralph fitness elite video play list I labeled it the excess hero.

The hero in darkness, some people that have a history of trauma they develop co dependency as a coping mechanism b/c it helps them distract themselves from their own pain and suffering form their own emotional distress so as long as they are super focused on the homeless guy on the corner whose asking for quarters there super focused on that they never get to acknowledge their pain there emotional pain.

Yea sure its not necessarily entirely a bad thing b/co dependency can create significant positive change in society. 

There are many co-dependents out there that have created fantastic change in the world so its not necessarily a bad thing personally I like to think of it as the hero in darkness there’s excess hero so when you are constantly focus on the guy the homeless guy your constantly focused on this or that.

Let me tell you something eventually what happens you become full of the stress hormones and negative beliefs etc. etc. that is only a matter of time and you guys tell me every movie you have seen maybe not the ones from back in the day from a long time ago where the villain had no back story but now a days movies have gotten really good with putting their psychology in there.

But you guys tell me in every single movie you see the villain 90% of the time has a back story right?

And the back story usually comes from some type of pain.

So you have mr freeze from batman his back story is that he wanted to save his wife and keep her alive then you have Harbie Dent the two faced his back story is that he you know wanted to create some type of change in the police force and the joker did something etc. etc.

And he ended up turning into the villain when things didn’t go his way and then you have the joker who most recently we had a movie with Joaquin Phoenix and so many people were like wow mental health this and that the joker look he had a back story.

He had a disease , voluntary laughing he wanted to be a comedian is mother was bipolar delusional wow there’s so much pain in there and it’s only a matter of time before each of those heroes became villains.

And it happens in real life as well – its only a matter of time before the co-dependent becomes so full of pain and suffering that it turns into rage turns into severe  distress and all of a sudden the government is the problem fuck the government let me open your eyes to the truth of the government.

And it’s like dude what is going on here … you don’t see it? You don’t see what I see?

The medical system is so fucked they are pumping us with biologics and reality we can heal you know its like yea yea sure but listen listen I understand I understand what your going thru.

No I’m telling you this is the truth. Im gonna start a mob and then they start a mob and this is how we see these extreme groups, it may be extremism in religion and politics or whatever. That is how we go there.

Now for people who are detached form their anger and rage that is where you can end up with a lot of that depression, anxiety and back pain as per dr. Sarno theory.

So you have to be mindful of that thing.

The addiction to constantly rescue the homeless guy in the corner, to rescue some family member that is constantly struggling with something, the addiction to want to be involved in drama and everyone else problems and not paying attention to your pain your suffering your needs eventually that creates an entire soup o things and only a matter of time you tip over the edge maybe in the form of physical symptoms or psychological and social distress. So that’s the link there in a nutshell you know.

In a compressed short version.

The hero imbalance has the ability to ahh there’s that homeless guy there u go buddy here’s a quarter I won’t give you more b/c I have to look over my own needs to its not all about you not mention codependents have an immense sense of self entitlement.

Codependents think the worlds owes them something and that alone can create some form of resentment, some form of anger and frustration towards the world. I had a person tell me one time holy shit after I saw this then I had a different video play list on YouTube.

The person said to me they did everything right in their life they followed all he rules and they hadn’t realized there rage and stuff behind there back pain the rage was actually a result of the person selfs entitlement. 

The person felt entitled to success, entitled to some type of result after all the effort they put in. Oh yea that’s about right, ya know codependents have a similar sense of self entitlement.

They think the world has to be a certain way just b/c they believe it has to be a certain way. In the truth is the world is the way it is and after that its a matter of how you fit into it at least how you perceive yourself fitting into it.

Does that make sense Sara? Any other questions before we go to page 34.

That was great thank you. I really appreciate this connection.

My pleasure. My pleasure.

So let’s see that there response for viewing very briefly for step 1

Diffuse. That’ll be step 2 Allow it. 

And now we are half-way through that step so page 34 your anxiety won’t escalate if you welcome it like this b/c your moving with it without resistance or suppression. It will now naturally start to discharge. Allow the anxiety to manifest in whatever way it wishes.

Physically or mentally. If it wants to make your throat feel tight go ahead and let it. If it wants to make your heart pound great.

If it wants to make your mind race with wild thoughts let it be your guest let your body vibrate with the nervous arousal without any hindrance so it can then unwind.

As you move with your nervous arousal and remember what we just said about that feeling of nervous arousal. Some people when they first experience remission from anxiety they get bored. And I mean very bored. 

Especially the co-dependents they get really bored. There has to be something going on, ya know. Other than if its not anxiety its gotta be something else. Something that stimulates and arouses their mind and in the comments we have can we read spiritual books in those 3 hours? Absolutely you can read spiritual books, fiction all that good stuff.

Ideally you can read anything but ideally you just want to stay away from things that start getting your mind racing in an analytical rational way. 

At the end of todays call we are going to add more to the exercise.

Ok so lets continue.

I have a question about boredom and like absence of anxiety.

Mmhmmm.

Can you any thoughts on like you just allow that as well right? 

The boredom? Yea. 

Im not feeling the boredom but I’m feeling something in the absence of the anxiety since I started working with this. 

Yea

So Im I do feel like a lower, and Ive heard you mention this before like when it finally happens you start like there’s a time of depression or something. Maybe it is but whatever it is. And you just kinda accept that and work through that right? That’s like step 2 or 4 whatever it would be right?

Um Yes. So basically that’s the point where you move your focus away from this whole thing and something else comes into your life. So basically I always here a lot of people say Im tired of this back pain I’m tired of this disease. I just want to be normal.

And let me tell you something. 90% of the time that’s bull shit. You don’t want to be normal. Ive even had people Ralph that exercise you gave me just focusing on normal life and being present with it. I hate it.

I don’t want to be normal. I want to be extraordinary I want to stand out I want to leave a legacy in this world.

Than you’re talking to the wrong coach b/c its okay to pursue things in life. Its okay to pursue all of that.

But if its coming from your ptsd your trauma and your repressed emotional pain your going to have a lot of trouble you know moving forward in life.

So when it comes to this normal life you know life without the drama the back pain or the drama of the anxiety or the drama of some other issue.

Initially there’s a period where this is some boredom and this boredom there’s like an emptiness its like they call it I not that specific thing but olympic athletes experience something similar which is olympic gold depression and basically turns out that statistically speaking when an athlete goes off the the Olympics those who win bronze they have something to look forward to b/c they got bronze.

Those that win silver have something to look forward to b/c they got silver. Once you get gold and you get it again and again like Michael phelps there’s nothing to look forward to.

You’ve reached the top of your pursuits.

With people on the healing journey a similar thing happens.

You’ve reached that point where the anxiety leaves you don’t feel depressed, your back pain doesn’t exist anymore and then there’s a period of now what, you know especially if this journey consumed so much of your time mental space and energy.

There’s nothing more to look forward and during that period its critical its extremely important to find something else. 

Something, you know there has to be some new activity some new belief some new mind trust, some new way of living life, its a rebirth its a rebirth in every literal sense of the world its a rebirth you know.

That’s a very important part in the journey and personally that’s the part that I specialize in. That’s why here in the Ralph fitness club all this stuff is free b/c yea I help people I support people in the journey an

all that good stuff but that’s not he part that motivates me that’s not the part that inspires that not the part that. To me back pain AS arthritis, rheumatoid to me that’s  like the common cold b/c I’ve seen it so many times, so I’m like yea you got the common cold.

I get it my doctor said yea yea sure any ways buddy, lets see how addicted you are to this thing and that will tell you how long it will take.

What do you mean I hate it? Yea sure you do, I used to hate it to. But yea that’s the part that motivates me. When I get yesterday, I got a voicemail from someone I worked with 7 years ago and it was his son, and his son said hey Uncle Ralph how you doing just saying hello. Its like a little 4 year old boy.

And man I had tears in my eyes he’s like I cant wait for you to come over so I can meet you after covid is over. Im like oh God, you know, this kid has grown so much you know. But that’s the part that drives me you know. 

Im not a big fan oh my god Ralph…I went hiking today I dont have back pain. Ah good good for you excellent. Im not a fan of that. Im a fan of hey Ralph check this out I won another pool tournament. Yeah body that’s what I’m talking about that’s what I’m talking about you know.

{Laughs}.

That’s the part your up to Sara. If you are finding yourself feeling bored out of place you are up to that part. 

Yea so I guess its an E part of D.A.R.E. I forget what E stands for exactly. Put your attention into something else I know we are not there yet. 

We are not there yet but that will be the E. Moving your focus away from it.

In the west its called decentralization so we have desensitization which is the dare response which is focused on no longer making you sensitive to your anxiety and your symptoms and all that including back pain.

So the back pain may or may not be there but you just like yea I really don’t give a shit if its there or not you know. And wants that part is over where your feeling grounded, your present you end up like Sara is right now you know.

I don’t even know what my life is about anymore you know. Its that feeling and some people realize not because something happened but because they missed the community, they missed the constant. Oh my god guys I went hiking today. My low starch diet and they miss that.

That’s perfectly normal, perfectly normal apart of being human. So it that point something needs to replace that if it’s something you used to do that used to bring you a lot of joy.

That would be it. If it’s something else you know then it has to be something else for me it was boxing. Boxing became the thing.

I just couldn’t stop thinking about it it just became the thing. It filled that void and that emptiness after the pain was gone and I had nothing else to do. I was like now what do I do. Fill up the void and boxing became the thing and moved on from there.

And then something magical happened, I realized that I had left the YouTube video up there and I logged into YouTube and I get all these comments and people are like hey dude hey can you help me? Can you help me? Can you help me? Im like what the heck is going on? 

And that’s how we ended up here today. Its like I totally forgot about all these people and its like oh shit that’s right. Let me tell you guys something you can forget about the diet.

You know its like..I explain. That to you guys here we are today. So wow keep going at it Sara this is the exit. Thank you. My pleasure.

As you move with your nervous arousal and may morph into different thoughts or sensations as it does this think to yourself that’s interesting that your now giving me this new sensation oh well whatever your allowed I accept and allow this anxious feeling.  I accept and allow this anxious feeling.

Wellbeing Coach, Middle Aged Woman Practicing Mindful Acceptance Meditation. Positive Mindset Concept

Where else have we heard that? Right so your giving me this new sensation right so lets read it again. 

As you move with your nervous arousal and may morph into different thoughts or sensations. Where have we heard that before? Can anyone guess? What else does that? Hmm?

Dr Sarno. Right Dr. Sarno says when you stop giving into the pain and your aware of what its there for it turns, it moves around and goes somewhere else. If it was your right knee now its your left shoulder. If its your left shoulder now you have a migraine, it turns into other stuff, alright.

Why would physical pain and anxiety behave the same way? I wonder if there’s a link? 

Moving on, fill the rhythm of those words as they gently nudge you out of a stuck state and into a sense of flow with this nervous arousal. I am not suggesting this will be pleasant of course it won’t be.

There is nothing pleasant about fear or anxiety but unfortunately you really dont have a choice if you want it to dissipate naturally. You have to move along with it. 

Let this uninvited guest be welcome. 

Never get upset when anxiety shows up at your door.

The only thing I would say add onto that is its okay to get upset, its okay it gets the best of you its ok to get upset once that upset feeling passes you can go back to the exercise to the DARE response. 

Smile and be the perfect host and invite in and sit it down and serve it tea.

If you are a visual type give the anxiety a mental image like a ridiculous cartoon character, come up with a great nick name for it. Imagine it about a foot tall telling you about all the terrible things that might happen.

Give your new friend a comical squeaky voice like its just inhaled a can of helium. It bursts through your front door no bigger than a small dog squeaking profusely. Use whatever visualization works for you. Its important to bring your sense of humor into play and make it totally absurd.

Be open and playful with  your anxiety. You know why the Ralph fitness elite videos are so weird and corky. Your not threatened by this cartoon character screaming red alert.

You just sit back and smile at its anxious. Get used too this cartoon character making dramatic entrances. It likes to show up at the most opportune times.

Once you are ok with that you will feel no anxious impact from it.

With a bit of practice you can even see the arrival of anxiety as a bit ridiculous. You can smile to yourself each time the character jumps on your shoulder or is in your ear. 

Warning you about the next big threat that is about to befall you.

The lighter you can make up the anxiety the more allowing of it you will become and the faster you’ll heal.

Don’t underestimate this open and playful attitude. I know as you read this  you may be feeling somewhat skeptical that’s natural.

You fear that allowing anxiety  in to your life is only going to make it worse right? What if I allowed in and gets worse, what if it gets too much for me to handle?

Everyone has the same initial fear but trust me allowing anxiety to be works incredibly well. You won’t get more anxious in fact  the more welcoming you can be the faster you anxiety level will drop. With continued practice you’ll discover this fact for yourself.

Your fear of what the anxiety might do to you has you stuck and trapped in anxiety. 

your fear of what the pain might do to you is what has you stuck and trapped in pain.

For example. Ah my back is going to fuse, its going to get worse. Im going to end up in a wheel chair, what if I end up crippled. Its your fear of fear that causes the whole problem. When you decide to no longer play the game you become free and remember this game part of it you enjoy. 

Alright IE the codependency stuff. There’s a part of the game you enjoy, these are shadow tendencies there is no chronic pain sufferer on the planet that can honestly say that they don’t enjoy some part of it.

There is a part of it that you enjoy and we gotta make peace with that. If we are going to make an honest effort at moving forward we have to make peace with reality that apart of you enjoys it, maybe the attention you get, the pity, the love or affection or it can be the way you are able to control and manipulate the people around you. 

Whatever it is there is apart of you that enjoys it. We gotta make peace with it. Whatever it is, its between you and your pain. I don’t need to know, no one needs to know but you need to be ware of it.

When u decide to no longer play that game you become free.

You might think this approach sounds too simplistic to work. It couldn’t possibly work for your complex anxiety problem right? 

It couldn’t possibly work for your complex back pain problem right?

I want you to take a leap of faith and trust this simple approach, trust me enough to at least try it for one week.

Once you start to feel your anxiety reduce, you’ll then have evidence to confirm that this is the right approach to take. Many great teachers have taught a very similar approach to healing fear and anxiety. But unfortunately those teachings have been drowned out by more complex anxiety management approach. Cha-ching. Ahh sorry.

The DARE response is a lasting solution b/c it goes to the core of the problem, which is the resistance toward anxiety and it heals by getting your anxious mind out of the way. It teaches you that you are not your anxiety. It teaches you that fear is just a feeling, thoughts are just thoughts. And you are truly safe. 

So keep in mind that the core approach here is to never shun the anxiety or turn it away. When you slam the door on anxiety it comes crashing to the window. So let it in and sit it down.

Become comfortable with it. I want you to even invite it to join. You when you are not anxious at all. Send it a message to visit even on your good days. Keeping the door open for anxiety to visits stop you woh, keep the door open for anxiety to visit stops you from worrying about it. Suddenly surprising you from out of the blue.

And we gotta welcome that too right? When you are feeling great, fantastic and wow I feel so good life is beautiful. Gotta leave that door open. If you do this right you will feel a shift in your anxious sensations within just 10 -1 5 minutes.

The nervous discomfort starts to ease off and transforms into a neutral jittery energy. The kind of jittery energy you get from drinking too much coffee.

This is the kind of nervous energy you can work with and channel in a positive manner to get things done. Its a positive and productive nervousness that makes you feel you can get up and go rather than paralyzing you with stagnant fear okay?

I wanted to add this idea here of allowing the door to stay open for anxiety to come back when you feel great. I just wanted to remind you guys that the same applies for physical symptoms.

The physical symptoms are gone, great. And as I mentioned before the  most common thing that comes back is the fear of them coming back. No no no.

You can come back whenever you want buddy. Im just not going to feed you. You can come you know.  You can sit there oh your thirsty.

Oh no sorry man. We don’t have water. You may have heard that fear can actually be made into an acronym. Fear which stands for feeling excited and ready that transformation is what the DARE response enables if we accept our anxiety 100%. And that is the key word. 100%

Ralph:

Any questions before we move on to the next passage, on accept and allow 100.

Participant:

I was just excited to hear about the nervous energy b/c I have experienced that and so it seemed my anxiety has shifted to more where I felt frozen to more where I drank too much coffee and I have al ot of energy so I just wasn’t sure I was used to my other kind of anxiety and I knew how to deal with it with the steps. But then when the nervous energy came I was like what the heck is this? 

Now you know. {Laughs}

The good news about that energy feeling as the author mentioned is that you can channel that into something that energy can be something. You can use that energy to exercise, work on a project or whatever whatever it is.

That nervous energy can be channeled into something.

Personally I would highly recommend channeling it into an enjoyable hobby.

Ooh I am awake I am jacked, you know.

Where are we going? WE are going to the gym baby. We are pumped up today. 

Channel that into something that is enjoyable for you. One thing that I can add about that jittery feeling is that for me personally that was the end of depression. 

What I mean by that is that eventually that jittery feeling became natural energy. Now its just natural energy for me. It doesn’t feel jittery, uncomfortable, just feels like natural energy. 

It eliminated the cycle of depression for me so. If you have anxiety there is a chance you have moments of depression and believe it or not learning how to channel this energy that you now that the author calls jitters. Learning how to channel that into a pleasant hobby for me was my formula for ending my depression.

Needless to say those of you that are still struggling with back pain one of those two things will show up once the back pain is gone and its perfectly normal. A period of depression or a period of anxiety, perfectly normal but once you start moving into this jitter feeling now you have the power to channel that. 

It is very hard to channel anxiety in its full force because its a powerful force, Its strong.  Not gonna sit here and pretend this stuff is easy, its not. The littler jitters you have all the power to channel that into something positive. 

Thanks for sharing that b/c its a very important point.

Anyone else before we move on? Okay perfect.

Accept and allow 100 %. Acceptance followed by allowance is a very simple concept but it can be quite hard to master. Most people get it wrong b/c they think they can just say the words, okay fine I accept you and then their anxiety will magically disappear. 

Some people do that with Sarno’s approach. Okay I know its physiological.

Then they expect it to disappear. They do it with the explicit attention with getting rid of the anxiety. We can’t say okay I accept you and try and get rid of it. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way…

Remember the DARE response is not about getting rid of the anxiety it’s about getting rid of the fear of your anxiety. 

Read that again because it was very important. The DARE response is not about getting rid of the anxiety it’s about getting rid of the fear of your anxiety. 

At the risk of sounding trite I am going to repeat that point b/c so many people misunderstand it.

Oh. I just repeated it so I guess we will read it again. 

The DARE response is not about making you feel calm and relaxed. Its not about making the unpleasant sensations go away. Its about ending your fear of the anxiety so you can be free of it.

Be really okay with the fact that your mind and body might vibrate with nervous arousal all day long. Don’t try and rush the anxiety away. Let it move at its own pace. I know that know mind set isn’t easy but it gets you where you want to go.

Trying to force a state of calm is a type of resistance, it applies the following thought. I really don’t want this feeling so I try to get rid of it with this exercise.

That includes meditation. So when people what kind of meditation should I do for my back pain. I say aaah no we don’t do that here. What type of anxiety meditation should I do for my anxiety?

We don’t do that either. So what the hell do we do Ralph? Tell me, what the hell do we do?

Oh I will tell you. Laughs. Might be hard to grasp at first. But I will tell you. Alright. So….

Trying to force a state of calm for those of you who that have jumped on the wagon from the mindfulness movement of the internet your whole life revolves around this desire to be calm.

You integrate a spiritual practice, you got all the beads, the mala beads, the crystals and everything trying to calm yourself and trying to keep yourself calm. Well I am hear to tell you its the other way around.

Some of you think you feel calm but what some of you are doing are suppressing it further and creating some grade of low grade depression.

That is not how it works. I really want you to give up the idea of trying to be calm. Stop trying to calm yourself.

What you are looking to achieve is to feel the sensations without getting upset or scared by them. To feel anxiety without getting anxious about it. 

Allow the wave to pass and allow your nervous system to cool off in its own time without forcing the change. Let the anxious any play itself out. Let it manifest in whatever way it needs too.

Become the observer this step of allowing your anxiety to be present is allowing you to distance yourself from your anxious feelings. And becoming curious witness instead of a victim of your anxiety.

You stopped getting hooked in by each anxious thought or sensation and learn how to simply observe and allow it to be.

It takes training to get to this point but soon you’ll be able to experience all manner of uncomfortable anxious thoughts or feelings without feeling caught up in it. You occupy a new space of noticing & allowing . 

Things change from being scary thoughts to just thoughts, from anxious sensations to just sensations.

I don’t mean to belittle how unpleasant the experience is but remember its all just a series of thoughts, feelings and sensations.

You are perfectly safe and no harm will come to you from it. Isn’t it a relief to know you no longer have to try and control anxiety. 

You can let it all flow through your compassionate acceptance and allowance of it. Just make sure your not trying to play yourself and pretend you are allowing it just so it can leave. It doest work that way. 

But how will you know you’re doing it right? You know you are doing it right when anxiety manifests and you don’t get upset or frustrated by it. 

You may be somewhat scared of it but. You are no longer resisting the experience.

Whatever you think to yourself in each anxious sensation jumps out at you. Let me read that again. Whatever you think to yourself in each anxious sensation jumps out at you.

DARE: Anxiety Relief Book

I accept and allow this anxious feeling. I accept and allow these anxious thoughts. Welcome it all and allow it to be. 

And then step 3. Run towards. Step 3 of the DARE response. Run towards.

The previous 2 steps are the primary drivers that heal your anxiety, they propel you forward and are often enough to get you where you want to be. 

If however, the anxiety still feels like a harmful threat having over you you need to shatter that illusion by running toward it. You run toward the anxiety but telling it you feel excited about your anxious thoughts or feelings.

Remember anxiety is no more than a wave of energy flowing through your body. This energy will not hurt you. Its your interpretation of this energy that causes the problem and traps you in the vicious cycle of fearing fear.

Fear and excitement are just different sides of the same coin. When wildly excited you experience the exact same sensations as you do when you are very anxious. 

This is also one of the benefits of allowing anxiety to be there, as well as anger. Contrary to popular belief. Some people think we have a whole bunch of emotions, we actually only have two. 

Everyone has two emotions. That is any emotion that arouses the the nervous system and the other is an emotion that suppresses it and cools it down.

Then there are varying degrees and interpretations of each one. For example excitement, anger, anxiety are in the same realm. They arouse the nervous system. 

When you are feeling excited. When you are feeling angry and you express rage then that means that your also have the tendency to avoid and repress all other feelings that also arouse your nervous system.

So for those of you that read Dr. Sarno and are like oh wow I repress my rage. There is also a good chance you repress your excitement and enthusiasm. So all the feelings of not being good enough or being incompetent.

They can come as as result of repressing anger. Why? Because they also repress your excitement.

So now you could be the type of person that you achieve all of your goals but you still don’t feel happy, you still don’t feel accomplished or complete.

One of my side effects from my healing journey is that I get excited over really small things. Things that I used to call small back then.

Im really excited. Just very easily amused and its not faking it, its not pretending, its just how my response became. Once I got closer to my anger, my frustration and my rage it allowed space for other emotions that arouse the nervous system so that’s a positive side.

So if you are struggling feelings with not being good enough and all that extra stuff there’s a chance that as soon as that jitter, that jittery feeling that comes after the anxiety moves away and you are okay with that there’s a chance that you also connect to your other positive emotions. 

So what is the point of all this? The point of all of this is accepting and allowing your emotions may the be negative or positive. Just allowing them to be there and allowing them to move. 

Lonely young latina woman sitting on bed. Depressed hispanic girl at home, looking away with sad expression.

The whole point is that you feel really freaking good about pretty much anything. You feel great for no reason at all. 

This idea that you need to accomplish something to be happy goes out the window. As soon as this battle is over you just be happy for no reason. No reason at all.

Literally no reason what so ever. Its no longer I’m so happy b/c I accomplished. Now its just, “Oh I’m happy.”  Oh yea. I accomplished that too but that has nothing to do with my accomplishment. 

Im just happy and when you are not happy its the same thing. I am not too happy today, whatever the reason let it be. So that is the big benefit.

For those of you that are thinking, I am going to feel my feelings to get rid of the back pain. You are thinking very small my friend.

Those of you that are here, oh I am going to feel my feelings to get rid of my anxiety. You are thinking very small my friend. Very small.

You’re that one person that that thinks that is what its all bout and its not. Trust me. 

There is no greater feeling in the world and you go for a walk just b/c it feels so good. Wow I feel so good. The colors of the trees get brighter, the sun gets shinier, water tastes amazing. 

Wow water tastes so good. Food tastes amazing, food tastes different… Love, you can feel love. You feel like the trees loves you. 

Wow this tree loves me. Walking in nature is so nice. My neighbor loves me, everyone loves me, I love everybody ~ hey you I love you too. Fuck you. Yea whatever I love you too. 

Any way, you love everything. It’s so nice.

Dirt Biking yes everything feels amazing in that state and that’s your real journey.

For those of you that have accomplished this same exact thing that we are reading here. From the more Eastern minded approach this is what some call the spiritual awakening.

Wow I just had a spiritual awakening, wow so this is what Nirvana is all about.

So the Buddha says hey dude, ya you know if you just accept yourself, stop suffering b/c your suffering just accept the suffering. You can then experience nirvana. Some people took that out of context and are like yea I suffered because I wanted a new TV and I didn’t get it so now I guess in order to not suffer Im just not going to want the TV.

Traditional stone sculpture of Buddha. Outside asian style interior. Interior detail from a luxury hotel resort. Bali, Indonesia

Yea I guess you read the wrong book.


Yea I guess whatever makes you happy man. In its simplest form the same thing is said in Christianity. Not too much to your left b/c it’s your left not too much to your right b/c it’s your right. 

Jesus also said I shall resist no evil. We can interpret that as Jesus was not resisting as per Eckart Tolle and his book A New Earth, Jesus was not resisting his own suffering either.

That’s the way out of suffering guys so stop fighting it.

Before we conclude today’s recording I’d like to share this weeks exercise and were going to add onto last week.

So if you are still not able to take out 3 hours – 1 hour is fine – 30 minutes is fine. Whatever works best for you. Just be mindful, if its coming from a place to being addicted to the constant go, go, go and constant anxiety just be mindful of that.

If you’re the type of person that doesn’t want to change the addiction I’m not hear to tell you how to live your life. 

Even though Im a life coach professionally that is not what I’m here for.

And if you find that its not for you by all means you gotta do what’s best for you. By all means feel free to banish and pursue a different route. But if you do find that okay yea I notice that I have these feelings, these experiences, and difficulty implementing healthy habits in my life then you can stay that is what we are here for.

So the exercise this week is dinner. We are going to have dinner 3 hours you can do 3.5 if you wish but 3.5 hours before bed time that’s the last meal you have.

After that no snacking, no munching, no secret trips to the freezer and having some ice cream. No munching. 

Obviously your allowed to have water if that’s why you if you need. For those of you that have pre-bed rituals, drinking some tea or having your nice late night thing going on.

That is understandable too.

Perfectly fine. But if its a heavy meal, something big before bed, 3.5 hours we are going to eliminate that. 

Why? Well it just so happens that there is a form of meditation that I highly recommend and no its not transcendental meditation, its not special pranayama, it’s none of that stuff.

This form of meditation and this type of meditation I have experienced out of body experiences, Ive experienced sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming, and so many wonderful, magical things including life in other dimensions. 

To me that’s what it is, its like another dimensions. And that form of meditation where all notion and all concepts and understanding of time and space is blurred – that form is called sleeping.

So if you can optimize and get good sleep. Than that my friend is the most healing and therapeutic thing and grounding thing you can do for yourself. So 3.5 hours before bed you have your dinner and no more snacking after that.

Then at that point it will become obvious to you okay?

Personally I don’t eat too much meat because it affects my sleep. I like to have that type of sleep that literally feels like dying. Its like woah I died for 8 hours. Woh I went to heaven, I want here and there.

Dream guides, etc. etc. I am a big fan of sleep. So this is the only type of meditation I recommend and your body becomes integrate in it. Everybody already knows how to do it.

In an attempt to help yourself get more grounded improve your quality of sleep and as I said last session I will say it again this is where things become obvious. 

Whatever is making you trip every five minutes or so maybe with the back pain or anxiety or panic attacks whatever it is. It will keep you up at night. 

And if you happen to fall asleep it will come up in your dreams. 

For those of you that like to journal and explore the meaning of your dreams like I do. That may be a good idea if you wish to do that. 

Be mindful you don’t have to journal, but be mindful of the type of dreams you have b/c they usually reveal what the problems are in your life and they also reveal the needs you have that you don’t admit to yourself in your waking life. 

So your dreams will tell you a lot about what’s happening in your psyche if you keep having dreams you are in fight and feel trapped you keep throwing punches but you feel weak which is very common in the chronic pain community. Someone says to me, I had a dream like I was trapped and running away from something.

Oh I wonder what that means? What do you think it means? I used to have those dreams. I had this dream I was really angry, yea what else is there you know? I had a dream I was drowning.  I was drowning and water every where, drowning. Yea. You know. 

Ok so but now we have two pieces of the puzzle, piece number 1 – 3 hours before bed no more phone, social media and if you can only do one that is fine. Just be mindful where you are headed with that habit.

Then the 2nd piece of the puzzle is dinner time – 3 hours before bed unless you have a special ritual because your Dr. Says this is what you have to do, maybe your diabetic or have some type of condition where you need to have a snack here and there. That is the only acceptation.

Other than that and you are perfectly healthy, your Dr says so and  you did your physical the best way to go about is to ask your Dr to do that. Ask your Doctor if its okay to do this exercise, other than that that is the 2nd piece of the puzzle. 

That concludes today’s recording I will open up for Q & A’s post recording and those of you that joined thank you very much and you have yourself a wonderful morning, evening good afternoon wherever you are in the world.

To join in on the conversation, ask questions and get the exercises jump in the Ralphitness Community Club for free!

Thank you for joining and taking the time to listen. Have a pleasant weekend, goodbye. 

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